i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
