Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
