uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
