This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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