How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
