drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
