her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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