If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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