I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
