doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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