She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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