she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
