I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
