I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
