someone get that fucking seahorse.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
