That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
