Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
