people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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