Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
