I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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