she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
