I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
