I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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