Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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