That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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