THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
