It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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