I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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