it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
