There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
