She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
