this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
