so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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