The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
