Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
