Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
NoShamevember. You game?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
