Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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