i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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