Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am spending my child support on dildos
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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