Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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