3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
