but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
