Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
