can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
