Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
