It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
