Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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