you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
