How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
