I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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